Life – Three Husbands

September 20, 2020September 24, 2020

“Falling Apart”

One of my favorite songs by Casting Crowns is “Just Be Held”. Shortly, after being widowed for the 2nd time, it comforted me like a friend. I would like to share the lyrics with you below. I added the Casting Crowns YouTube video with lyrics: I pray they bring you comfort and God blesses you with peace when things seems to be falling apart.

One thing I have learned from my journey is that God is in control and we need to surrender to that control or suffer the consequence of being controlled by the world, the government, your boss, your job, your career, your finances, your family, your friends, addictions, illness or so many other things that lead you to an empty and unfulfilled life when you least expect it. God provides all our needs. He wants us to have a healthy, vibrant and peaceful journey in every aspect of our lives.

Just Be Held

Casting Crowns

Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on

And when you’re tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There’s freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go

Chorus

So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away
You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place
I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held

If your eyes are on the storm
You’ll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
You’ll know I always have and I always will

And not a tear is wasted
In time, you’ll understand
I’m painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands

Lift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where you’ll find Me
And where you are, I’ll hold your heart
I’ll hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who won’t let go

Source: LyricFindSongwriters: Mark Hall / Matthew West / Bernie Herms

Just Be Held lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Essential Music Publishing

“But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.” – MATTHEW 6:6

My blog posts in the next coming weeks will hopefully contain some resources to get you through the dark days and into the light at the end of the tunnel. Most importantly, I pray that God will continue to show up in your life when you least expect it.

I thank God for never letting me go and holding me in the worst of times and walking, dancing and even singing with me in the best of times.

“Be strong & courageous. Do not be afraid. Do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9

“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.” – Isaiah 43:2

September 18, 2020

Priorities!

It has been a while since I last blogged, but here is my update, after 5 months of blissfully being married to the love of my life. So far, it has been wonderful being with the one person that God had planned for me all along. It is amazing to find a person that is kind, patient, loves me unconditionally (Christ-Like) and handsome! One thing I have learned during this (Covid time) is more patience and the fact that I have a long way to go before I am the person that God intended me to be.

It is important that you know that I love to sing and that I did that for a good 25 years of my life as a solo singer actress and even a producer, director of my own touring production company. I retired from the entertainment industry roughly around the time of my 2nd marriage in 2013. I thought it was time to move on and search for other goals and I became tired of the struggle and the crooked paths that the entertainment industry led me to time and again. You could say that I was burned out and lost the passion I once had for performing. Moreover, my 2nd husband turned out to have addictive behaviors that I found myself trying to correct slowly, but becoming a reluctant enabler. I think this was the most difficult time of my life. God was stripping all of my childish ways to mature me into the person I am today. I have to say God Loved me and He loves all of us, but just between you and me, I did not get it. I was saved by Christ and yet, I took the wrong path and compromised my values, morals, integrity and my relationship to Christ on more than one occasion after turning my life over to Christ and that’s putting it kindly.

Let’s go back to January 1999, It was a few hours after midnight in our master bedroom and my first husband was sleeping soundly. I was having a dream and in this vivid dream I was clearly standing in the desert and Jesus (My true first husband and best friend) was present in a white robe standing on my right side in front of me. He turned around to His left and outstretched His hand and said, “Take my hand”. So, without hesitation, I reached for His hand like a child would reach for his father’s hand when crossing the street. We walked for miles and miles. However, we never got hot or tired and I felt safe, protected and a peace, love and joy that I had never felt. Eventually, we arrived at His home which for some reason I saw as an adobe style home in Arizona. It had a simple wooden door. He opened the door and led me inside. And then, He embraced me, breathed on me, filled me with the Holy Spirit and said, “I will give you the strength you need.” At the sound of His voice, I woke up and immediately stood on the side of my bed as my husband slept soundly. I looked up toward the heavens and asked , “What do I need this strength for God?” I felt like I could lift the building we were living in and felt like I was 50 feet tall. This was one of the most unusual spiritual experiences of my life. This dream was so realistic and unlike any dream I’ve ever had.

At the time, I was not going through any struggle in my life and my marriage to my husband and business partner was quite wonderful; at least it seemed that way. We worked well together and had built a loving theater family. We continued to use our talents to enrich our fans’ lives with beloved Broadway show tunes and musicals. Unfortunately, Jesus was forewarning me of things to come. After my dream, three months later in April of 1999, my first husband was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer; and well, things were never the same from that moment on. I realized that the dream with Jesus and His words of encouragement were concerning my husband’s cancer diagnosis and I remember looking up and saying, “God, this is what I need Your strength for!”

Up until that point in life, I had focused on my career and helping, supporting and encouraging others to do the same. There is nothing wrong with doing what you love passionately, but let’s just say my priorities are very different today.

“Keep the Lord your God as the center of your life” – Exodus 20:2-3

December 29, 2019February 5, 2022

Hello, World!

So, here is the beginning of my journey as a blogger. I am now over half a century old (Yikes!), and I just got married on Dec. 21st, 2019 to the man of my dreams! Well, I had been married two times before, but my first husband passed away 19 years ago from Cancer and my 2nd husband passed away from liver disease January 21st, 2018. However, somehow I survived both of their passing’s with the peace, grace and love of our Father in heaven and my true husband Jesus Christ, who has been faithful to me in all instances. That’s where the idea came to me about Three Husbands, the two loving souls that passed away and Jesus my true husband, who saved me from both of those calamities in my life.

This is the most important point of my survival, Jesus who has held my hand and walked me through the deserts and valleys of my life. I will explain how I came to Christ in another post. God had put it in my heart to start a blog back in 2002 shortly after my first husband passed. That was called The Young Widows foundation, but I did not quite get around to following through with it probably because of fear of criticism, acceptance and the stigma that comes with being a widow at 33 years old. I was quite young and I was still at the beginning of my life’s journey. Back then, there was very little support groups on the internet for grieving, especially young widows. I looked, but not many sources. Today it is a little different, plus I was led to Jesus Christ by the Holy Spirit’s leading in March 2003, and of course I eventually was plugged into a church that had a Grief Share Support Group which was helpful to my emotional and mental health. I am grateful to God for providing all of my needs.

“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”- Phil – 4:19, NKJV

On a lighter note, I have a 2 and 1/2 year old Toy Papillon named Daphne, and inherited a 2 year old female Husky named Tasha in my new married life. Gratefully, I find myself with my amazing earthly husband that God had planned for me from the beginning. I never knew a love like this ever existed. I thought I knew how to love, but it turns out I knew nothing of love and I am afraid I failed miserably in that department with my kind 1st husband and my lost and adventurous 2nd husband. I did love them both, but as it turns out they were in my life’s path and I was in their’s to learn and prepare for what God’s future had in store for me and them. Or, the other explanation could be that the first half of my life was never God’s plan, but it was. I truly wish I hadn’t gone through all of that. It would have been better if I had just chosen wisely and known that God loved me and wanted the best for me because I was his beloved daughter and princess and He has the most abundant inheritance waiting for me and for you. My relationship with Jesus Christ has shown me how to love better. I’m not perfect by any means and I am still learning and I am thankful that my God is patient. In my case, very patient!

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” – Jeremiah 29:11 – NKJV

After years of biding my time, maintaining a cheerful demeanor and not taking life as seriously as I should have, I find myself realizing that it is more serious than I could have ever imagined. Therefore, from now on, I am taking this life to the next level. I will share my experiences with others that are in need of my life story and hope that it brings you comfort, peace, grace and hope that you can survive the death of a loved one, death of a job, death of belongings, death of finances and still flourish beyond your wildest dreams.

“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts are higher than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:9 – NKJV

I am not sure if it is just my age that has brought me to this realization or if I have grown spiritually enough to have the confidence that I need to communicate and be of help to others which is what I have always wanted. I am a people person. I love people and have a compassion and empathy that surpasses the Average Joe. Don’t get me wrong, my previous life was filled with happiness and adventure, and I was more fortunate than most because early on I was doing what I loved to do and made a living at singing and acting in musicals all over the country and Canada, as well as, running my touring musical production company for 20 + years which I inherited from my first husband. I was blessed with talent and the ability to use those talents to enrich others lives, especially our elder population. From the outside, I was blessed, but the reality was that God was probably thinking to Himself, “Why do they settle for so little when I expect so much more and want to give the best gifts to my children.”

“If a son asks for bread from any father among you, will he give him a stone? Or, if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent instead of a fish?” – Luke 11:11 NKJV

In conclusion, my main concern for the purposes of this blog are young widows all over the world that find themselves lost, destitute or in deep grief from the loss of their husbands, but it is also helpful for anybody going through grief or a loss in direction in their lives. Moreover, I would like to share my own journey of ups and downs hoping to inspire and provide some therapeutic health benefits to myself and those who have lost a loved one and have had to start over with broken pieces and broken dreams. If it is just one person that benefits from my story it is enough and I pray that whoever needs to hear it is blessed by God with wisdom, peace, grace and joy!

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 – NKJV