The Struggle
For widows and widowers or family members that have lost a loved one, it is almost inevitable to have to deal with a will, an estate, a trust, the sale of a home or the distress of being left without funds, bankruptcy or being left without a place to live. On top of that, you are dealing with insurmountable grief. Reluctantly, I have gone through most of these scenarios. You can find yourself in crisis and shouldering responsibilities that frankly, can be too much to bare. Yet, you still have to show up to work or your business in the morning or wake -up and take care of your family, pets, bills, chores, house maintenance and car maintenance. In my past, I had to continue singing, acting , dancing, producing, directing and tour around the country with a smile on my face whether I wanted to or not. That’s when I’ve been reminded that I am not alone, as I mentioned in my previous post, “Priorities!” concerning my dream with Jesus in 1999.
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” – Philippians 4:13 NKJV
Over the last 20 years, I went back to school to finish a Bachelor’s in Business Marketing. I have switched careers and enjoyed being a Sales and Marketing Director for a senior living facility, I have been a Life Enrichment Manager/Activities Director for a Memory Care Unit, Property and Casualty/Life Insurance Agent, Travel Agent, Waitress, Singing Waitress, Pizza Delivery Girl, Uber and Lyft Driver, and lastly a Realtor ® since 2017. In all of these careers the common thread was giving of my time and serving people to encourage them and make their daily lives easier or more secure. I have said it before I love people. And, on top of enjoying their company, it grieves me more when I see them struggle and I can’t help to want to be a helping hand or listening ear, if they request it. Since I have struggled, I want to give of my time to those that grieve and need their hand held during a moment of crisis.
I have put together an E-Pamphlet titled, “5 Steps to Managing the Loss of a Loved One”. The steps include: 1. Acknowledging Your Grief 2. Focus on Your Mental Health 3. Create a Positive Environment 4. Be Gentle With Yourself, and 5. Have a Plan and Take Your Time. I invite you to read this short pamphlet of about 12 pages to start on your journey of healing from your loss. Click on URL below to download.
5 Steps to Managing Loss of A Loved One
https://threehusbands.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/5-STEPS-TO-MANAGING-LOSS-OF-A-LOVED-ONE-2.pdf
If you need a Realtor® that can be the calm in your storm, click on the links below to contact me. I am in the Williamsburg, VA area, however I can refer to anywhere in the country.
KW Website: https://barbaraautery.kw.com/
Homesnap Website: https://www.barbaraauteryagent.com/
Barbara Autery, Realtor®, Keller Williams Williamsburg, 8404 Courthouse St, Suite 3B Williamsburg, VA 23188 – Direct: (757) 870-7009 Office: (757) 963-5455; Email: barbara.autery@kw.com; Licensed in Virginia. Work by referrals.
Giving of my time and serving clients with a smile while being the calm in the storm.
Each Office is Independently Owned.
Slowly saying Bye to Mom :(
My mother was at the top of my list since she had dementia and ended-up at a hospital, February 15, 2020, from a fall at her apartment. By February 21st, she was at a skilled nursing facility for rehab, so we both suffered with the restrictions that the pandemic created in 2020. On March 13th, 2020, I was told by the facility that I should stay all day and have dinner with my Mom. Unfortunately, after that day, I would not be able to visit with her because they were locking down due to COVID-19. I didn’t know what to think and how long it would take for them to release the restriction. I figured 3 months tops, once we were all informed of the severity of the situation.
However, as you know it was much longer to my horror! My mother meant everything to me and I meant everything to her, so it was very difficult not to visit in person daily, and I was actually the furthest away from her that I had ever been. It was a 2 hour drive north to northern Virginia! Thankfully, we started FaceTime calls which was very confusing for someone with Dementia. I explained it to her, and she understood about why she had to wear a mask and why we couldn’t visit in-person. She thought everyone had gone crazy and she would describe our sessions on FaceTime as her talking to me from the TV!
Long story short, I was unable to transfer her closer to me because the nursing homes stopped allowing transfers due to the Pandemic. It took me from March 2020 to August 15th, 2021 to finally have a spot open near my home where my mother and I visited everyday and she was only 15 minutes from me. That being said, we live in strange times, and thankfully we are starting to get to some sort of normal.
Sadly, and with a very heavy heart I share with you that my Mom passed away on November 21st, 2021. I have grieved 2 husbands and a father for the last 20 years, but losing my Mother is something that is in a whole other category. I have spoken to several friends that have lost their mother in the last year, and it seems that no matter what age you are, it is the hardest loss, especially if you had a close loving relationship. Your mother is the one person you can tell anything to in this life. The one that cheers you on when nobody else does. The one that is on your side no matter what! How do you move on from such a loss? I have leaned on God for all of my losses and He will sustain me through this loss, as well, because He has provided all of my needs since I was born. I look forward to seeing my Mom again in heaven, but I vow to carry her legacy proudly into the future. I am looking forward to rising to the occasion, as my Mom watches from above with a smile. I plan to remember the good memories filled with joy and the peace of knowing that my Mom no longer has to suffer pain and the deterioration of her earthly body.
But, in all honesty, I find myself shutdown at times with the loss of my Mom and walking through a haze of what once was, not being able to speak or express my emotions. It also seems like every time I turn around another family member, friend or friend of friend has posted something on FB that they have had someone pass-on, and I am posting another “Sorry for your loss”, but in this blog I want to do more than just write sorry for your loss: I want to encourage you to stay strong and seek God for comfort and just be held by Him when you need it, and be patient with yourself and others that are grieving a loss.
I am thankful to God for giving me the strength that I’ve needed for the passed 20 Years and He will continue to sustain me for the rest of my life; the same way He was always there for my mother. Finally, I will be, as strong as my mother was in her life; with God’s help even stronger, and have a faith that moves mountains! I send prayers of comfort, peace and love to all of you that have lost your mother, father, sibling, son or daughter, relative or friend. May the peace of God be with you all!
“…and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 4:7, NKJV